I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
