I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
