I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
