about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
