just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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