I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
