Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
