I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
