I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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