Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
