I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
