you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
