why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
