thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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