Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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