we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
