Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
