she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
