i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
