Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
