you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
