I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
