Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
