sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
