Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
