i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
