He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
