I just made out with a guy for $7.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
