your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
