im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
