After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
