don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
