do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
