It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
