Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
