Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
