She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
