Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
