history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
