I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
