Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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