Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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