getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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