we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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