I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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