I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
