Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
