Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
