just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
