if you like me you must not know who I am
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
