Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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