Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
