3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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