I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
