I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
